Contra: Apologia for Plain Paragraphs
Original Article: https://samsorensen.blot.im/apologia-for-plain-paragraphs
What was the last book, article, or essay you read that was, by sentence count, composed of mostly bullet points?
what was the last book you read that contained numerous instances of bolded inline text?
The author uses italics instead of boldface but the idea is the same. It highlights key words, phrases, and terms so the reader can pick out that they’re reading something important more quickly.
Same thing; italics instead of bolded words.
Here’s a simple acid test: find two RPG books, one with bolded and bullet-pointed entries (say, “The Feast of Tegny Wood”) and one written with plain paragraphs (say, “Sag River Extreme Cold Research Facility”). Read an entry or three from each. Then, on a piece of paper, write a brief summary of each in your own words. Compare your summary to the written entry. Is it easier to write an accurate summary from the bolded bullet points, or the paragraph?
Admittedly, I didn’t do the exercise; shame on me for that. Hopefully I can skirt around this by openly admitting that I predict I will be able to have a much easier job summarizing the plain paragraphs than the formatted entries.
I say this because I think that’s what paragraphs are for. They’re great for conveying a linearly expressed idea, building one concept upon the next (just like how these sentences build on each other). A room entry, on the other hand, need not be written linearly because we do not expect the players to interact with the room in the order that the author chose to describe it in.
I read room keys at three instances:
The audit, where I’m checking to make sure each room has the info I need, the treasure is balanced, the space makes sense, there aren’t GM booby traps I need to avoid, I broadly understand the structure of the adventure, etc.
During prep, since a lot of the information about key NPCs, factions, and their resources are baked into the room descriptions.
During play, to actually run the room.
The “perfect text” for each of these use-cases looks different.
During the audit, I’d love design notes so I can understand what they’re going for, but in-line design notes would clog up the text during play.
During prep, I’d love the information to be structured around the NPCs, factions, and their resources (where the actual rooms themselves are just space-as-a-resource); since that often heavily influences how the denizens respond to player actions.
During play, I want it to be very easy for me to figure out how to describe the initial viewing of the room to the players, and then very easy to answer questions players have, and resolve them interacting with stuff.
Of these, the play-phase is the most time-critical, so that’s what I recommend optimizing around. We can facilitate the audit-work and prep-work by having appendices that offer alternative structuring and summaries of this information.
Examples
In my review of review of Hole in the Oak, I gave the following example from the text:
Stone blocks (walls, ceiling 10', and floor). Archway (8' high). Skull carvings (arches carved in the form of stacked skulls). Skeleton of dead warrior (lying in the arch in a pool of dried blood).
▶ South: Ammonia stench.
▶ Inspecting the skeleton: She died of a slashing wound in her right side.
▶ Looting the body: Badly damaged chainmail, sword, backpack with a musty rope and rotten rations, belt pouch of 25gp, brass skull necklace (15gp).
▶ Passing through the arch: A pressure plate triggers a scything blade to sweep out vertically from the eastern edge of the archway. Anyone in the arch must save versus wands or suffer 1d8 damage.
I don’t think this is good for any of my three use-cases. To sam’s point, it’s tough during the initial reading. It’s hard to scan during prep when I’m looking for what the factions and npcs have/want. It’s also hard to cobble together an initial description of the room. The saving grace is that it’s relatively easy to deal with questions and interaction.
Here’s how it would look in my preferred format:
Stone blocks cover the walls, ceiling, and floor. An skeleton in adventuring gear lies in a pool of dried blood between an 8’ archway carved in the form of stacked skulls.
Skeleton: Died of a slashing wound to her right side. She has badly damaged chain mail, a sword, a backpack with a musty rope and rotten rations, a belt pouch (contains 25g), and a brass skull necklace (15g).
Archway: A pressure plate triggers a scything blade to sweep out vertically from the eastern edge of the archway. Anyone in the arch must save versus wands or suffer 1d8 damage.
Now it’s very easy to read the initial description: I can just read the first paragraph verbatim, or put it in my own words/style. The archway and skeleton are the main features of the space and are elaborated on in the order they were described. We use the bolded words to define the “keys” (like in a dictionary or phone book) so the GM can quickly jump to the correct section to read about what’s going on.
In September 2024, Sam published Ten Tangible Tips For Editing Your RPG Manuscript. I broadly liked the advice, but #10 stuck out to me
10 | Paragraphs are your friend, as are paragraph breaks. You don’t need fancy parenthetical notation, you don’t need complicated nested bullets, you just need to write sentences. When you need to connect multiple ideas or have too many sentences, put multiple paragraphs together using regular old paragraph breaks.
Sam’s blog doesn’t allow comments, so I emailed him directly on 2024-09-29 and asked if he’s be willing to demonstrate with the Lab room from B1. Here’s the original text:
9. WIZARD’S LABORATORY. The wizard’s lab is a strange but fascinating place. Zelligar’s experimentation with many kinds of magic led to a collection of equipment and devices which was stored here, scattered about this 50’ by 30’ room.
Dominating the room is a large human skeleton suspended from the ceiling and hanging in the northeast corner of the laboratory. The skull is cracked. (Were there anyway to know, it would be discovered to be a barbarian chieftain’s re- mains . . .)
About the room are several large wooden tables, just as found in the workroom (room 8), and another heavy stone table which is likewise similar to the one appearing next door. The tables are bare, except for a single stoppered smoked glass bottle on one of them. If the cork is removed, the gas within will immediately issue forth with a whoosh. The vapors are pungent and fast-acting, and all characters with- in ten feet must make an immediate save vs. poison or be affected by laughing gas, The gas itself is not poisonous, but will cause any characters failing their saving throw to immediately lapse into uncontrollable raucous laughter for 1-6 melee rounds (check each individually). During this time, the characters will have a 50% chance of dropping anything they are holding or carrying and will rock with spasms of great laughter, staggering about the room, chuckling and bellowing with great glee. The noise will necessitate a spe- cial additional check for wandering monsters being attracted to the ruckus, and even if a monster appears, the affect- ed characters will be unable to oppose it until the gas effects wear off (if a monster does come, roll a 4-sided die to see how many melee rounds it appears after the laughing starts). Characters under the influence of the gas will not respond to any efforts by others to snap them out of its effects (even slapping the face will do no more than cause more laughing), although if a dispel magic spell is thrown, it will make them sober immediately. Otherwise, the only way to stop the laughter is to wait for the effects to wear off.
Several pine logs are piled underneath one of the tables, and if these are moved, a shiny “gold” ring will be found. Al- though it appears brilliant and seems to be worth up to 100 g.p., it is actually worthless. It has no special magical properties.
Along the west wall is a large wooden rack, apparently from some kind of torture chamber, since it is obviously sized for human bodies. A trickle of dried blood stains the oaken construction on the front.
On the south wall is a stretched leather skin with magical writ- ings which will be undecipherable unless a read magic spell is cast. The legend, if interpreted, will read: “What mysterious happenings have their birth here? Only the greatest feats of wizardry, for which every element of earth, water and sky is but a tool!” The skin is old and extremely fragile, and any attempts to remove it will cause irreparable harm and render it useless because of the skin crumbling away.A sunken fire pit, blackened and cold, is noticeable as the centerpiece of the room. The pit is only 2’ deep, although it appears slightly less than that due to several inches of ashes resting within it. An iron bracing and bar across the 4’ wide opening suspend a cast iron pot which is empty except for a harmless brown residue sticking to its interior sides and bot- tom. Another similar pot which is more shallow lies on the floor alongside the pit, and it is empty. Both pots are extremely heavy, and it takes great effort by two or more characters of 14 or greater strength to even move them.
Off in the southwest corner are two vats, each of approximately 100 gallon capacity. Both are made of wood and both are empty. A third vat nearby, only half the size of its neighbors, is half filled with murky, muddy water.
A stone block used as a table or stand is next to the vats, and along the west wall. It has six earthen containers just like those found in the workroom (room 8), and any contents within them should be determined in the same manner as described there. There are also pieces of glassware of various types on the top of the stand, as well as on the floor next to it. Some are clean, some show residues, but all are empty and dusty.
An empty wooden coffin, quite plain and utilitarian, rests up- right in the northwest corner. It opens easily and is empty. The wood seems to be rotting in places.
Two kegs rest against the north wall, and examination will show them to be similar to those found in the storeroom (room 6). Each has a letter code to denote its contents, and a roll should be made in the same manner as described there to determine what is within if they are opened.Wooden shelving on the north wall holds more glassware and three more containers (as those in room 8 and likewise determined). Two small trays hold powdered incense of different colors, and the smell of their aroma will give away their identity.
(yes, it’s that long. this is one room.) Sam emailed me back with this:
9. WIZARD’S LABORATORY
Crates, barrels, vats, cauldrons, and glassware lie scattered about the messy, unkempt room. Between them, they hold 100 gallons of blood, a gallon of bone powder, and three blocks of incense. A skeleton hangs suspended from the ceiling, its skull cracked, opposite an empty torture rack. On the central worktable, a smoked glass bottle sits stoppered. Uncorked, gas whooshes outwards: those within 10’ must save or laugh uncontrollably for 1d6 rounds.On the south wall, a leather skin stretches, covered in ancient Zargalian writing. Translated, the Zargalian reads “What mysterious happenings have their birth here? Only the greatest feats of wizardry, for every element of earth, water, and sky is but a tool!” Touched, the leather crumbles to dust.
Beneath a side table sits a stack of pine logs concealing a shiny ring of fool’s gold. Initially, it appears worth 100gp; taken to a jeweler, inspection reveals it as worthless imitation.While this obviously skims out some of the finer physical details of the room—the fire pit, the precise materials of each table, the exact placement of the various elements, and so on—it maintains all the interactivity and possibility of the room for a vastly reduced wordcount. (Obviously, you can adjust the precise other contents of the various containers. I just grabbed the two most obviously striking options from the generator.) Nearly all of the if-then statements attached to the laughing gas can also be cut, as the classic sorts of things that OSR GMs learn to rule on the fly. The good set dressing bits get maintained (torture rack, skeleton), but compressed significantly. Trimming it down makes the whole key more palatable, easier to read and understand and get to grips with. Overwriting is a problem endemic to more or less all RPG books.
I think this is coherent, but is sort of a cop-out. I agree that lots of the original details didn’t need to exist, but they do. Cutting the details helps cover-up how difficult of a job it would be to convey the whole original room to the players by just reading. Here’s an example initial reading from Sam’s reformat:
You enter a lab. There are various lidded containers scattered around. A skeleton hangs suspended from the ceiling, its skull cracked, opposite an empty torture rack. On the central worktable, a smoked glass bottle sits stoppered. On the south wall, a leather skin stretches, covered in ancient Zargalian writing. Beneath a side table sits a stack of pine logs.
In order to cobble that together, I’m still having to look all over the place. Here’s the info I’m pulling bolded (and thus having to ignore or not accidentally say everything that isn’t bolded):
Crates, barrels, vats, cauldrons, and glassware lie scattered about the messy, unkempt room. Between them, they hold 100 gallons of blood, a gallon of bone powder, and three blocks of incense. A skeleton hangs suspended from the ceiling, its skull cracked, opposite an empty torture rack. On the central worktable, a smoked glass bottle sits stoppered. Uncorked, gas whooshes outwards: those within 10’ must save or laugh uncontrollably for 1d6 rounds.
On the south wall, a leather skin stretches, covered in ancient Zargalian writing. Translated, the Zargalian reads “What mysterious happenings have their birth here? Only the greatest feats of wizardry, for every element of earth, water, and sky is but a tool!” Touched, the leather crumbles to dust.
Beneath a side table sits a stack of pine logs concealing a shiny ring of fool’s gold. Initially, it appears worth 100gp; taken to a jeweler, inspection reveals it as worthless imitation.
That’s a lot! In fairness, it’s no where near as bad as the original, which looks like
9. WIZARD’S LABORATORY. The wizard’s lab is a strange but fascinating place. Zelligar’s experimentation with many kinds of magic led to a collection of equipment and devices which was stored here, scattered about this 50’ by 30’ room.
Dominating the room is a large human skeleton suspended from the ceiling and hanging in the northeast corner of the laboratory. The skull is cracked. (Were there anyway to know, it would be discovered to be a barbarian chieftain’s re- mains . . .)
About the room are several large wooden tables, just as found in the workroom (room 8), and another heavy stone table which is likewise similar to the one appearing next door. The tables are bare, except for a single stoppered smoked glass bottle on one of them. If the cork is removed, the gas within will immediately issue forth with a whoosh. The vapors are pungent and fast-acting, and all characters with- in ten feet must make an immediate save vs. poison or be affected by laughing gas, The gas itself is not poisonous, but will cause any characters failing their saving throw to immediately lapse into uncontrollable raucous laughter for 1-6 melee rounds (check each individually). During this time, the characters will have a 50% chance of dropping anything they are holding or carrying and will rock with spasms of great laughter, staggering about the room, chuckling and bellowing with great glee. The noise will necessitate a spe- cial additional check for wandering monsters being attracted to the ruckus, and even if a monster appears, the affect- ed characters will be unable to oppose it until the gas effects wear off (if a monster does come, roll a 4-sided die to see how many melee rounds it appears after the laughing starts). Characters under the influence of the gas will not respond to any efforts by others to snap them out of its effects (even slapping the face will do no more than cause more laughing), although if a dispel magic spell is thrown, it will make them sober immediately. Otherwise, the only way to stop the laughter is to wait for the effects to wear off.
Several pine logs are piled underneath one of the tables, and if these are moved, a shiny “gold” ring will be found. Al- though it appears brilliant and seems to be worth up to 100 g.p., it is actually worthless. It has no special magical properties.
Along the west wall is a large wooden rack, apparently from some kind of torture chamber, since it is obviously sized for human bodies. A trickle of dried blood stains the oaken construction on the front.
On the south wall is a stretched leather skin with magical writings which will be undecipherable unless a read magic spell is cast. The legend, if interpreted, will read: “What mysterious happenings have their birth here? Only the greatest feats of wizardry, for which every element of earth, water and sky is but a tool!” The skin is old and extremely fragile, and any attempts to remove it will cause irreparable harm and render it useless because of the skin crumbling away.
A sunken fire pit, blackened and cold, is noticeable as the centerpiece of the room. The pit is only 2’ deep, although it appears slightly less than that due to several inches of ashes resting within it. An iron bracing and bar across the 4’ wide opening suspend a cast iron pot which is empty except for a harmless brown residue sticking to its interior sides and bot- tom. Another similar pot which is more shallow lies on the floor alongside the pit, and it is empty. Both pots are extremely heavy, and it takes great effort by two or more characters of 14 or greater strength to even move them.
Off in the southwest corner are two vats, each of approximately 100 gallon capacity. Both are made of wood and both are empty. A third vat nearby, only half the size of its neighbors, is half filled with murky, muddy water.
A stone block used as a table or stand is next to the vats, and along the west wall. It has six earthen containers just like those found in the workroom (room 8), and any contents within them should be determined in the same manner as described there. There are also pieces of glassware of various types on the top of the stand, as well as on the floor next to it. Some are clean, some show residues, but all are empty and dusty.
An empty wooden coffin, quite plain and utilitarian, rests up- right in the northwest corner. It opens easily and is empty. The wood seems to be rotting in places.
Two kegs rest against the north wall, and examination will show them to be similar to those found in the storeroom (room 6). Each has a letter code to denote its contents, and a roll should be made in the same manner as described there to determine what is within if they are opened.
Wooden shelving on the north wall holds more glassware and three more containers (as those in room 8 and likewise determined). Two small trays hold powdered incense of different colors, and the smell of their aroma will give away their identity.
So, here’s my take. It keeps all of the original details, word choice, etc, but just rearranges it:
(9) WIZARD’S LABORATORY. A collection of equipment and devices is strewn around several wooden tables, bare except for a stoppered smoked glass bottle. A large human skeleton with a cracked skull is suspended from the ceiling. Under one of the tables are several wooden logs. A sunken fire pit serves as the centerpiece. Along the west wall is a human-sized torture rack. On the south wall is a stretched leather skin with writing on it. Three large, wooden vats sit in the southwest corner of the room, one half the size of the others. A stone block used as a stand is next to the vats, with six earthen containers and pieces of glassware on top. An empty wooden coffin rests upright in the northwest corner. Two kegs rest against the north wall. Wooden shelving on the north wall holds more glassware and three more containers. Two small trays hold powdered incense of different colors.
Smoked Glass Bottle: If the cork is removed, the gas within will immediately issue forth with a whoosh. The vapors are pungent and fast-acting, and all characters within ten feet must make an immediate save vs. poison or be affected by laughing gas, The gas itself is not poisonous, but will cause any characters failing their saving throw to immediately lapse into uncontrollable raucous laughter for 1-6 melee rounds (check each individually). During this time, the characters will have a 50% chance of dropping anything they are holding or carrying and will rock with spasms of great laughter, staggering about the room, chuckling and bellowing with great glee. The noise will necessitate a special additional check for wandering monsters being attracted to the ruckus, and even if a monster appears, the affected characters will be unable to oppose it until the gas effects wear off (if a monster does come, roll a 4-sided die to see how many melee rounds it appears after the laughing starts). Characters under the influence of the gas will not respond to any efforts by others to snap them out of its effects (even slapping the face will do no more than cause more laughing), although if a dispel magic spell is thrown, it will make them sober immediately. Otherwise, the only way to stop the laughter is to wait for the effects to wear off.
Human Skeleton: The barbarian chieftan’s remains.
Logs: If these are moved, a shiny “gold” ring will be found. Although it appears brilliant and seems to be worth up to 100 g.p., it is actually worthless. It has no special magical properties.
Torture Rack: A trickle of dried blood stains the oaken construction on the front.
Stretched Leather: Magical writings; undecipherable unless a read magic spell is cast. “What mysterious happenings have their birth here? Only the greatest feats of wizardry, for which every element of earth, water and sky is but a tool!” The skin is old and extremely fragile, and any attempts to remove it will cause irreparable harm and render it useless because of the skin crumbling away.
Fire Pit: Blackened and cold. The pit is only 2’ deep, although it appears slightly less than that due to several inches of ashes resting within it. An iron bracing and bar across the 4’ wide opening suspend a cast iron pot which is empty except for a harmless brown residue sticking to its interior sides and bottom. Another similar pot which is more shallow lies on the floor alongside the pit, and it is empty. Both pots are extremely heavy, and it takes great effort by two or more characters of 14 or greater strength to even move them.
Vats: The two bigger vats hold approx 100 gallons. The smaller vat is half-filled with murky, muddy water.
Earthen Containers: Just like those found in the workroom (room 8), and any contents within them should be determined in the same manner as described there.
Glassware: Various types. Some are clean, some show residues, but all are empty and dusty.
Coffin: Quite plain and utilitarian. It opens easily and is empty. The wood seems to be rotting in places.
Kegs: Similar to those found in the storeroom (room 6). Each has a letter code to denote its contents, and a roll should be made in the same manner as described there to determine what is within if they are opened.
Containers: As those in room 8 and likewise determined.
This is still massively overwritten, but no longer feels like a nightmare to try to run. You describe the initial paragraph and then refer to the relevant bolded sections when the players ask questions or mess with stuff.
I sent Sam all this back in 2024 and he never replied. I guess I wasn’t convincing then, because here we are.
Thanks for the post, Beau.
What do you think the ratio of a module should be between 'ultra clear DM aid' and 'pleasurable reading experience '?
In Sam's article on The Island, he praises how the module betrays none of the big reveals upfront, has no preamble, and leaves the most exciting rooms for last, even if that makes their ordering obtuse.
Conversely, Bryce Lynch grades with extreme prejudice how scannable and easy to run an adventure is at the table, sometimes positing that the very best modules can be run with little to no prep at all.
Obviously there's tension between the two approaches - or so it seems to me.
So what's your opinion? To what degree should a module be one or the other?
This is really helpful. I like Yochai’s format in theory but in practice it means almost every locale or dungeon room is 1 page long. I like the hybrid you created where there still is bold key words to follow, but it doesn’t need bullets or excessive white space.
I think an amazing example of “just use paragraphs” is Luke Gearing’s Wolves Upon the Coast. I remember reading Ruislip for the first time and thinking WHOA this is so clean, runnable, and evocative.